Pavlov’s Dog (Holiday Edition)
New Year’s Day has the honor of ringing the first bell, celebrating already? That’s the first tell. We are beginning the year with a bang in more ways than one. New Year’s Resolutions, but the confetti is only supposed to come when they have won. On a crusade like Martin Luther or in pursuit of a never-ending dream like Martin Luther King Jr. Day? Is the world to be conquered this year or improved upon what is so severe? Black History Month begins with Groundhog Day to predict weather and predict whether the future holds something new.
Time to find Hallmark, love, on Valentine’s Day! I promise to show love to you despite not knowing anything about St. Valentine. Frequent holiday occurrences aligned with death-taxes assurances. Next on the menu is President’s Day. 46 Presidents in with marginal returns, yet we still feed into what the President say(s). Sprinkle a little Mardi Gras to celebrate an uncertain origin holiday introduced as a party law. Enter the night to begin Daylight Savings, but psychological time is imaginary, and so are these light savings. Add three, and there’s St. Patrick’s Day, I see. It could have fooled me, but April is for the 1st prank pull. The first prank involves the resurrection of the dead on an, especially Good Friday. The second prank showcases Easter, where bunnies lay eggs courtesy of their keister. What? Easter Monday? Maybe these jokes pulled on us will end one day.
Finally! Earth Day! A day celebrated as enthusiastically as a forgotten birthday. May we move onto Cinco de Mayo? Conservatives celebrating this holiday is one of the funniest displays of hypocrisy that I know. The first date of note is Mother’s Day, but that could contradict what others say. Another pertains to the Armed Forces. 21st-century violence is nonsensical; however, salute to those willing to uphold what armed force is. Sneaking up on us is a Pentecost. Maybe the Holy Spirit, upon its return, will chip in once I show it what next year’s rent will cost. One more salute is for the fallen arms on Memorial Day accompanied by regularly scheduled programming and whatever the editorial(s) say.
KEEP THAT ARM UP, SOLDIER!
We must designate a day to celebrate the American Flag to keep the United States of America’s lack of hospitality under wraps like a Sheraton gag. I almost scrolled too quickly, but next up is Father’s Day, reminiscent of the best day of school — a half-day. Brush past as Independence Day comes up fast. Firework displays celebrate the illusion of freedom in many colors and various ways. The following item on the itinerary is Parent’s Day, but realistically, kids still do not listen to what their parents say.
Time for the fall, so why not begin with Labor Day? Keeping up with the Joneses Til’ Death Do Us Part and requesting to be buried in a plot better than where a fellow neighbor lay(s). A complete collapse to continue the fall by remembering September 11th on Patriot Day. Amping ourselves up over trauma appears to be the patriot way. Just in case you need reminding of where you live again, the calendar turns to Citizen’s Day six days later. Not in your Google Calendar? No worries, as it is just another day.
September 24th marks Native American Day, which precedes Columbus on the calendar despite his influence bringing ancestors to the end of mortality. If the Natives were here first, an alternative timeline is the only way to celebrate Columbus Day seriously within reality. Hopefully, they are beginning to ween that the hollow nature of this world is a stage to merely dress up similarly to Halloween.
Neither. In all of this nonsense, I am no longer a believer. What’s that? I felt a tug on the imaginary fishing line, letting us know the beginning of Daylight Saving Time. Where is this time stored, and who is in charge of the keys driving this accord? There is little time to ponder as now Veteran’s Day reminds us that on the streets, they wander. Quite possibly, they wonder if their service is why their downtrodden, forgotten, opposite the top-which, is not right, but they are left under. Only put a quarter in their cup because Thanksgiving is two weeks away, and you have a turkey to pick up! Thankful to do the same shit for another year while we celebrate over dead birds, winless Lions, and a cold beer. None of this is possible without conspicuous consumption, so let’s give a round-of-applause for Black Friday and Cyber Monday.
Unpaid mortgages for the sake of debt-backed security, which is delivered faster than what travels through fiber, but maybe that’s the optic? At the speed of light, the immaculate conception transpired on Christmas day. Bound to this belief system as if receiving Sunday service from Mistress May. Interested in charting a new path forward? How could I possibly show you? In six days, you have a New Year’s Eve party to go to.
